Storm King's Thunder

Dear Burnam
A recounting of the new realm.

Dear Burnam,

You'll never believe the story this giant just told me. He is a real giant, not like Big Tim. I have started to call him Smelly Tim, because of where he keeps his tools. But in prison, I was glad he was smart about hiding them from the guards. I wouldn't have searched there. And those tools came in handy a few times. But this other giant—says his name is Zephyros—is huge, a full three times a man's height. And blue. And very old, if he tells it true. His beard is long enough, and white as clouds.

Zephyros says he does magic, and I believe him because I've never been in a floating castle before. Did I mention I woke up with Smelly Tim in a huge, floating castle? The giant makes it float with magic. Really does! I asked him about it one day. He says he uses magic to look into other worlds with magic, and he spoke to you that way. He asked you to send him heroes, because the giants (there are many of them!) need help restoring order in their world.

I know you're a kind old man, and wouldn't turn down a plea for help, or send us without reason. I just wish I'd had time to say goodbye to mother and father, and know they were safe from the war. I worry that no one is safe, after seeing that awful beast come out of nowhere and claw through our soldiers like a scythe through ripe wheat.

I wouldn't have believed any of the giant's story if I hadn't seen you use magic on that last day, behind the inner wall of Bayton, fending off that creature and saving us. This, and the strange things I've seen back home and in this strange new place, make me realize even your most far-fetched stories are true. And you sent my uncle's flute, for which I'm very grateful. I'm sorry I ever doubted you, Burnam.

Did I mention there are two others who awakened us, and spoke to the giant? I think they are coming with us on our quest. I'm sorry, I'm not very good with names. But there's a lady knight with noble bearing and a bird-like aspect to her, I'd swear it. And a strange woods-elf who likes talking about trees and, oddly, chairs. I think if we found him either of those things, he'd be a nice enough fellow to talk to.

I hope you and everyone are safe, and I will keep writing these so I can tell you a story for once, when we get back!

Why is there only one chair in this castle?

Ahem, hello there. I assume that if you are reading this, then your life is utterly boring. Expected. Predictable. Allow me to bring some excitement into your life.

I am the illustrious Avaran Oakshade! This particular story begins with me and, um, my "companion" in the town of … well, it doesn't matter. It's not so much a town anymore. More a heap of debris? Something about some bumbling giants, and they stole some giant rock that these peoples value. (Who knows why? Surely, they must be positively mad. Yes, both the giants and the peoples—the ambiguity is deliberate!) Some fellow who's name is irrelevant to the tale asked me and my companion to deliver a letter, letting some harlot know that her no-good ex-husband is dead. I'm sure that she'll be positively overjoyed! 

What is my companion's name, you wonder? I also wondered (but not for long, honestly) this. Something with a "W", perhaps, for "Who cares?" Hah hah! I am hilarious! For our purposes, let us simply call her "harpy-person." You see, apparently she has these wings of sorts that allow her to fly. No, she's not covered in feathers. But I can likely find some and a bucket of tar to change this … 

We set out on this errand and ran into a giant cloud castle thing! Harpy-person had the (not) brilliant idea to ascend the staircase. I followed reluctantly. At the top we ran into two unconscious fellows. Call them "goliath-person" and "ordinary, dull, human person." I suspect that they were utterly wasted at some point and blacked out, somehow ending up in this cloud castle. Evidence for this? Goliath-person ducked behind a curtain and defecated all over the floor. Ale shits, I'm positively sure of it! No one's bowels yield that sort of substance without an outside influence. 

Unsurprisingly, the resident of this cloud castle was not pleased. His name is "Zippy," and boy is he annoying. He also has this billowy beard, and I suspect that he's compensating for something. That, or it serves as a distraction from the fact that his castle has only one bloody chair! Zippy kept going on and on about how he doesn't have guests often, and blah, blah, blah. But Zippy really is an inconsiderate fellow. He was trying to impress us with the visions he had through his "minds-eye," and in communion with some old dwarf fellow. (I must be the only persons not on drugs in this place.) Zippy's spirit dwarf told him that we—great adventures! What a joke!—were to be visiting. But if he knew this, then why didn't Zippy get some more chairs? 

Oh, get this! Then some weird people show up flying giant birds, and they attempt to persuade Zippy to join them and their leader to, I don't know, put on a musical or something. It must have been something with the theater, because they gave Zippy some pixie dust. And do you know what this buffoon did? He floated upstairs, snorted it all, and passed out! You know, it occurs me that if Zippy spent less time getting high, and more time decorating his castle, then he would have company more often, wouldn't be so lonely, and wouldn't feel the urge to get high in the first place. That'll be 500 gold, Zippy. I just saved you years of therapy.

There are also no trees in Zippy's castle. So unfortunate … did you know that the whole universe is contained in a single leaf? I spend lots of time looking at leaves. You should too!

Till next time! — Avaran

Tales of Heroes and Giants

Greetings to you, doughty members of the Neverwinter Knights!

Here together we shall create the chronicle of our adventuring guild, both for posterity and to serve as an inspiration for future members so that they may come to truly understand the principles and spirit on which the Knights were founded.

Regale us with your own accounting of your adventures throughout Faerûn and share your own viewpoint and reflection about the deeds accomplished while in service to our guild.

May all the goodly gods smile upon us as we issue forth to bring prosperity and harmony to the citizens of Neverwinter and the rest of the Sword Coast!


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